It was last summer, August 2009, that the idea for this website was first born. I was in the shower (a very nice place to do some thinking and praying in a house with five little children) when the Lord placed on my heart the desire to create a website where moms could go to learn about the current mission field and hopefully experience an increase in their love and concern for the lost, discover how to pray for different people groups, get equipped to educate their children about how to become mission-minded and find different ways to get involved in missions.
And then I stopped....
Why? It's not the excuse of not having enough time. With my youngest child now 6 and only homeschooling one of our five children this past year, I have a lot more time.
It's not the excuse of not knowing who to pray for, who to share Christ with. Since beginning this blog our family has moved to Hungary. We are amongst people from so many different nations, from so many different views of God. Many, most it seems, don't know Jesus as their Lord and Savior.
I think it's because I took my eyes off of the lost. God had been giving me a supernatural awareness of the condition of the lost but then I turned my eyes away from them.
I stopped learning about them. I stopped reading books, blogs, websites about unreached people groups, the 10/40 Window, missionaries, the persecuted church.
I stopped praying for them. I stopped visiting Joshua Project and Prayer Guard and Operation World and Wycliffe to pray for them daily.
I stopped educating my children about them. After homeschooling since 2005 we chose to place our children in an international school so they could have the experience of going to school with children from other nations. While there have been good things that have come from that, I am not teaching them daily, learning alongside of them, about the lost, about missionaries, about God.
I stopped getting involved in missions. I used to be a speaker for Voice of the Martyrs and Gospel for Asia. I went to our church, homeschool support group...and shared God's passion with them. Since we've moved to Hungary I have done almost nothing.
This reality has bothered me. I am not content in my life, in my walk with the Lord. I know I am missing what He wants for me. I have asked Him countless times to renew the passion, the vision, the heart for the lost. And I guess He is reminding me to look back at how I got there the first time. I worked to hear His voice. I read to hear His voice. I prayed to hear His voice. I acted to hear His voice. But I lost the drive, the urgency, the passion because I stopped doing all those things.
I am committing myself to starting again.
And one more thing...I confess my desire that people read my blog for selfish reasons. I look at and admire those writers who have so many followers. But why do I do that? I must confess it's because I want the fame for myself. I want the recognition...the knowledge that people are reading what I wrote...ie, I want the glory for myself. Father, forgive me for that.
So I am back to square one. Burdened to know Christ more and to glorify Him and to share Him with others. I will start back on the path that I took before...reading, praying, and going where He leads. I will start blogging again, for Him.
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